So, a certain Tayo is trending on Twitter because he is dating his ex girlfriend’s friend. Apparently, they were already sleeping with each other before he broke up with his ex, but that’s not my business. Even though the Tayo and his new bae Laila have been dating for a while, the gist only made it to Twitter because Tayo and his Bae decided to display their love publicly, and Fola(the ex)’s friends would have none of it.
They began dragging Laila, calling her a man stealer and all. Nobody was really talking about Tayo at first, until people began to question why the girl should be blamed when her man is not a ‘thing’ that can be stolen. I mean, the man has a mind of his own and decided to leave his girlfriend for her friend. Why is the girl taking most of the heat?
Anyway, this whole story is what inspired this piece. I know people decide what they want, but sometimes, those decisions are subconsciously inserted in their brains. I am not making a case for Tayo, or calling Laila a scheming bitch.
But the truth is, if you think “nobody can STEAL your partner”, you do not understand how these things work. It is very easy for your friend and your partner to start dating. Actually quite easy. That your close friend you tell everything could be a boyfriend snatcher. And your man would be unable to help it. Enough talk. Let me tell you how:
First, it is normal for girls to talk about their boyfriends. And more often than not, they amplify wonderful things he does for (and with) them, and downplay (or leave out) the bad part. In the minds of her friends, her relationship is perfect. Her man is god. And her friend begins to dream of having a man like him. From a man like him to him. And then ‘small’ envy sets in. That is where the problem starts. She can’t stop thinking of her friend’s man, because she has seen firsthand how decent he is. Of course there are other men asking her out, but what is the guarantee that they’ll treat her as well as her friend is being treated? Then an opportunity to talk to the guy in private arises. It begins with her teasing him “our husband”, “our bae”, “don’t you have friends as wonderful as you?” etc.
Now there are 3 types of guys; one who would smell the rat, and play along till it gets to a point when it is plain what she’s doing. Then stop her. The second type of guy won’t stop her. He knows what she’s doing, but he also won’t mind ‘lashing’. I mean, won’t it be grand to add bae’s friend to your treasure chest of people you’ve knacked? The third type of guy has no clue that the woman is scheming. And is ‘dragged’ along till he mistakenly falls into the pu nevermind.
Back to why it’s easy for your friend to take your man. Your friend knows you – your flaws, weaknesses, and strengths. She knows the things you do for your boyfriend, and the things you don’t. Your friend also knows your boyfriend – flaws, strengths, and desires. For example, if you do not cook or clean for your boyfriend (now this is not necessarily a problem at all, I’ll explain some other time), your friend will make it seem like she used to do it for her man, and every girl should do it. Your friend will turn your weaknesses into her strengths and your man will begin to see those flaws he had been (love) blinded to. They begin to talk more about their ideal partners. Recall she knows his strengths and weaknesses, so when she talks about her ideal man, she paints a picture of a man like him. Also recall that she has already mind-fucked him into seeing her as a perfect picture of his ideal woman. She is his girlfriend, without the nagging. She is his girlfriend without the attitude. She is his girlfriend plus cook, cleaner and she understands him perfectly. He begins to wonder if she isn’t ‘the one’. Lemar’s “if there’s any justice in the world” begins to play; only that the lyrics have changed. It is now, “if I found you first you know it’s true, SHE will be alone, I will be with you…”
There, you have it, two people who are now infatuated with each other, but they can’t be together because of ‘loyalty’. This thought (especially when they express it) only succeeds in heightening the appeal and increasing the longing for each other. You know how we pine for something we can’t have? That’s how it is.
This is the point where the guy’s girlfriend begins to irritate him. Anything she does seems to piss him off. He can’t wait to talk to her friend. Her friend who says all the right things. Who asks him to be patient with her, because she’s only human. Who understands what makes him happy. Who …
And then they decide to meet (in private if they’d been seeing before). They plan it for days, and when it does happen, it’s like they are soulmates. The sex is better, the conversations are more interesting, she even pays (or offers to pay) for their date together. His girlfriend doesn’t do that. This girl is bae. He has to let the other go.
At first the friend protests (this is in the constitution). “No, don’t break up with her because of me. I feel sad for her. I like you a lot but she’s my friend.” Bla bla. He thinks, “she’s so kind that even though she likes me a lot, she’s still looking out for her friend”. So he takes his time, but still breaks up with bae anyways. And the friend becomes bae. Or he just continues fucking both women, till someone exposes someone …
This happens to both genders. Guys “steal” their friend’s girlfriends all the time. Or just have sex with her. Using this “make myself look and seem better than my friend, her boyfriend” strategy.
The person who falls for this trick is not always stupid. He/she does not always have bad intentions. He/she is just human and you know how we tend to gravitate towards better things.
This is not a textbook though. Sometimes, people are just attracted to their partners’ friend. And they go for them. Sometimes, the friends do not scheme; they just fall helplessly and hopelessly. Sometimes they’re just randy fuckers. Sometimes they just do not want to see you happy.
Whatever it is, sometimes, love sucks, and people fuck up. Watch out for yourself. Because in the end, you are all you have.